I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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