Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Betty ford says i'm here all night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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