so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
