Slut skills are useful in every country.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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