Its about making memories worth repressing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
