I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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