Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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