My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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