our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
