He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
