How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
