i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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