I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
