You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
