I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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