You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
