highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
