That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
