Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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