just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
