I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
