Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
