he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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