do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
