he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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