I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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