I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
