Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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