i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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