What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
