what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
