Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
