Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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