Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
