Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
