He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
