i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
