Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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