I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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