the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
