i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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