Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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