i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
