Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
