Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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