People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
