uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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