THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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