i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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