Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
